How to Get Your Free Download Fix in the Future

Illegal Downloading

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It’s officially over you guys. The founder of The Pirate Bay — Gottfrid Svartholm — was picked up by Cambodian police last week. MegaUpload and Demonoid fell before them and it can’t be long until the free download becomes an endangered species. And what will we watch on our tablets then? Here are a few dystopian ideas of how we’ll get our free download fixes in the future.  

Torrent Dealers

Cyber Torrent Deals

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Pretty soon, file sharing will be such risky business that it will have to go deep underground. To get a free download fix, you’ll have to don a trench coat and scramble your IP address.

NotDoingAnythingIllegal: Do you have the stuff?

“Mike”: You’re not a federal agent are you? If you are, you have to tell me.

NotDoingAnythingIllegal: Not a federal agent…also they don’t have to tell you —

“Mike”: I hear you’re into the Walking Dead.

NotDoingAnythingIllegal: You have the Walking Dead? I heard that the whole country was dry!

“Mike”: I’ve got single episodes, seasons, anything you want. Now pass me your flash drive and I’ll hand over the files. We’ll do it at the same time — slowly — and no funny business.

NotDoingAnythingIllegal: Thanks man.

“Mike”: We never met, this never happened.

NotDoingAnythingIllegal: I think I hear sirens.

Pan Handling

Try a Funny Sign

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You can already find a few episodes and clips on most network sites. And maybe once they get tired of arresting people, record and network execs will develop a soft spot for a hard luck story.

Millions of users craving Seinfeld reruns will fill up comments and contact forms with hard luck stories that could be turned around by whatever record and network execs can spare — a couple of episodes of New Girl, Dexter…we’re not picky and everything helps.

Bartering

Try Trading Meds with Britney

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When people really need a fix they’ll probably go straight to the source. You could trade Britney Spears a few mg of Paxil for a copy of Femme Fatale. Or hook John Travolta up with your gay brother for a free download of Pulp Fiction.

Actually Pay for Downloads

Yea Right

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But seriously. Change is scary. And it’s coming our way fast. We recommend preparing for doomsday with a bug out hard drive filled with all of the downloads you can get your hands on. And when everything shuts down, you can use your NFC touch technology to trade mp3s for food.

Or you could just cave to corporate pressure and purchase a Hulu or Netflix app for your tablet. We recommend doing it now because once free downloads are no longer a viable option, they might turn up the price on monthly subscriptions and we’ll all be back to paying cable prices for our TV fix.

  • anonymicus

    So glad I’ve been hoarding all my totally-paid-for downloads!