OnLive Cements Its Place in Douchebag History with Worst Breakup Ever

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If you’ve been keeping up with tech news, you know that online gaming firm OnLive recently went under. That’s always a bumpy road and some employers handle these break ups better than some. Unfortunately for its employees, OnLive did not choose the high road. In fact, they pulled every skeevey move in the book to get rid of over half of their employees making this one of the worst breakups in corporate history.

The Post-Coital “It’s Not You It’s Me”

Even when the numbers suggested otherwise, OnLive maintained that things were fine. So on “layoff day” employees went to the mandatory company-wide meeting with high spirits.

They thought they were going to learn about OnLive’s new buyers and then get back to work. OnLive’s CEO made them sit through hours of slideshows and PowerPoint presentations before finally telling them that they weren’t going to save employees with a buyout but instead opt for an Assignment for Benefit of Creditors (ABC).

The “Well This is Awkward”

Remember that episode of Parks and Recreation where Chris broke up with Ann Perkins so nicely that she thought they were still dating? It was kind of like that. According to insiders, the meeting was so upbeat and positive that employees didn’t get the message.

No one had any idea that opting for ABC was synonymous with everyone but the management team is getting fired. Most of them clapped after the meeting and looked excited about their future. Awkward.

The OnLive Logo

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The “I’ve Met Someone Else. Guess Which One of You I’ll Be Dumping. It’ll Be Fun.”

For the employees that still didn’t get it, OnLive had more breakup fun in store. After the meeting, still-clapping employees were divided into teams and taken into conference rooms. Once there, they got to play another fun game called “guess who’s fired?” Employees each received envelopes. Some had offers for them to stay on with the company, other had pink slips.

The “Hey This Is Awkward But You’re Still Wearing My Sweater and I Want It Back. Yes Now.”

The OnLive employees who were fired were in for even more bad news. They would receive nothing in terms of severance. Nor did they get any shares of stock in the company that was dumping them to stay afloat. They got paid for their work that week and that was all.

The “Oh Jeez. You’re Not Going to Cry Are You?”

Once employees got their pink slips, they were told that they had an hour or so to get their stuff and get out. Cameramen, tipped off by disgruntled employee Tweets, caught the mass exodus. When OnLive found out, they added insult to injury by asking employees to leave through the back so no one could see their sniveling. Also they wanted to keep up appearances and pretend that they retained more of their employees than they did. Classy.

He Was a Douchebag Anyway

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OnLive’s round of firings will surely go down in history as one of the more poorly handled liquidations in history. And they still aren’t done rubbing salt in the wound. Today they cheerfully announced that there would be no interruption in any of OnLive’s product and services and that they’ll be keeping their name despite restructuring. We’re sure OnLIve’s former employees are thrilled to know that OnLive is doing even better now that they’re gone.